The God-given ability to choose. I chose to get up out of bed this morning at 5:30 AM before anyone else was up. I chose to walk to the back of the tier to pray and work out. When the lights blindly come on at 6:00 AM, I chose to smile instead of frown at the chaos that takes place at such an early hour. Some do not even stir, that's their choice. Many get dressed quickly and rush to mess call, only to return to bed to sleep; their choice, not forced. I choose to respond in detail to the several pieces of mail I receive daily. It was my choice to begin the day in the Word and devotionals; nobody can make that decision for me. Joy cometh in the morning, (Psalm 30:5) and it's my choice to embrace it. I hear of gossip and slander, things that are not true, but said out of envy, and it's my choice how I respond to them. Sometimes I fail in my response, out of anger, but I choose the response. Yard call announced, I choose to go out and work out. Tensions are high and competition turns threatening, my choice...no one else's. I choose to walk away.

I'm back on the tier now and there's nothing to do, the decision is mine: choose to lie down, choose to read a magazine with no meaning, choose to play cards or TV; I choose to read substance. The choice, I made it. A CO enters the tier and reprimands and degrades everyone for the smoke and other nonsense, many grumble and complain, I can join in, but I choose to continue reading. Lights turn off at 10:30 PM, I can retire to bed and attempt to fall asleep through the chaos, or I can flip out and tell those around me to quiet down...choices...I choose to close my eyes and talk to my Father. I thank Him for the ability to choose.

This environment will devour you, like Satan on the prowl (1 Peter 5:8). It will, if you allow it to. It's your choice. I control my choices daily and sometimes they are the wrong choices, but the beauty of a choice, a selection, an option, the power to decide, is that it's up to me. And the next time, I can make the right choice. No one can choose your attitude or how you respond to life's circumstances for you. I have the God-given ability to choose. I choose to be positive over negative. I choose purpose over perplexity. I choose being better over being bitter. I choose responsibility over irresponsibility. I choose faith over sight. I choose hope over despair.

~I choose the ‘God given ability of choices' over the enticement of the world's voice~

I messed up big time, I chose to recognize it and respond to it. We make choices every day. The choice was ours to make; no excuses...Lights are back on at 6:00 AM sharp, another day in prison. The choice is mine! I'm smiling, content.

Competition

In prison, more so than in the ‘free world,' everyone is always sizing you up. I experienced this first-hand every time I played basketball and especially during the few times I played soccer. But even outside the animal of recreation, in prison, you can't walk through the mess line without someone trying to see what you're worth. Who is better than you? Who is tougher? Who is the alpha-male? I'm always up for some competition, but that type of competition in an environment like this is dangerous to say the least. I've found that the only time I've had any strife or ‘drama' in this place was when I was competing in rec. I've lost my cool on more than one occasion and was lucky to not have the situation turn to the point of no return. Those situations result in lockup, (which is jail inside jail--a place you do not want to see, even told by the most hardened inmates). I'm just wired differently and I absolutely hate to lose, but I realized that competing in prison is not wise for a ‘competitor' like me. I've since stopped because I realized I have nothing to prove to anyone in here, plus it was unhealthy competition. I will always be competitive, an athlete by nature, but I'm learning how to channel that drive. My entire life I was always determined to be better than the next guy. This mindset created attributes such as dedication, commitment, and working hard. But as much as the competition would push me to pass one person, there was always someone else behind me looking to pass me. This can be discouraging at times; unhealthy competition follows you around. I'm still a competitor and always will be because I hate defeat, but I'm done with rivalry. It's time to take what God has given me and use it to the fullest, being the best I can be (competing with myself) to give God all the glory. I feel blessed to have the mindset of an athlete; continually striving to improve, motivated to make a difference, attempting to live so that those around me win. In the competition of life, it's you vs. you; be the best you can possibly be, using the gifts God has blessed you with. No one can use your gifts for you. And God won't hold you accountable for someone else's gifts. Compete, but do so in a way that promotes the Giver of the gifts. "A man's gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men." (Proverbs 18:16)