Mr. know it all

It seems those who know-- don't talk and, conversely, those who talk -- don't know. I'm talking about those who really, really talk a lot. They come off like "they know it all!" I have had inmates come up to me and tell me how to properly lift weights. Just the other day, an inmate came over to tell me where I should play on the soccer field. Now, I don't know everything, and I never claimed that I do, but physical fitness and soccer has been my life since I can remember.

I mean, I have seen people try to coach Jay regarding weight lifting also, not understanding that we both came from Division I colleges, where the trainers are top-notch. On top of that, we both played at the professional level in our sports. What can I possibly learn from a jailhouse weightlifter? It's unbelievable, but it's a piece of prison mentality that gets a lot of prisoners into trouble, and once in the hole, they have the tendency to use their mouths to dig even deeper.

Case in point: Just the other day, an inmate tried to tell Jayson how to build a house. He thought Jay was nothing, but an NBA basketball player. Little did this "Know It All" inmate know, but Jayson has been building houses since he was a kid with his father's construction company. The guy's advice sounded good to me, but what do I know about building houses? -- (that's why I kept my mouth shut).

It was mind boggling to say the least. The guy was way off as he proceeded to tell us price ranges--and we were staring at a sheet of paper with current prices listed. He truly believed every word that came out of his mouth.
I'm pretty sure that if I do not know something, then I'm not gonna open my mouth and try to explain it. What goes in our mouth hits our stomach and is digested, gone...but what comes out of our mouths lasts forever and cannot be taken back.

The moral of this story: Choose your words wisely because a fool speaks of things he does not know, and out of the mouth speaks the heart...."Do you not yet understand that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and is eliminated? But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man." Matthew 15:17.

Got what I deserved

I cannot complain about a single thing in prison. The noise? Nope. The environment? Nope. The ignorance? Nope. How about the way the guards treat me? No, not even that. I wrote recently about the attitude of expecting and giving.

Some inmates believe they deserve certain things. I believe I am deserving of just ONE thing: that is to be where I am because I did something terribly wrong. I undoubtedly cannot complain.

A dangerous mind is someone who believes they do not belong here. They believe that regardless of what they may have done, they are above this place. I say that is a dangerous mind because without accountability for our actions, we become like animals, literally, showing no feelings, logic, or common sense toward anything or anyone around us.

The mentalities that refuse to own up to their behaviors become self-indulged, and anything that impedes on that false sense of "righteousness," works like acid, eating away at reality. The dangerous mind is in fact dangerous, because that mind-set-is set on self.

I know this place can rub you every which way, but if you use that pressure and friction just right, this application will make you sharp in character. Those who allow their environment to rub them the wrong way, where the rubbing becomes scraping, will eventually become dull. It is crucial to recognize our actions knowing that we inmates got what we deserved. Many will disagree, but I speak for myself when I say, "I'd rather admit to deserving prison than to submit to a dangerous mind."

~ I'm right where I need to be~

What's in a name?

You know you're doing something right when you're not afraid to put your name on it. You only get one name and it's something that we all take pride in. When something is being done for the good, we as humans want to see our names attached to it. Vice versa, we feel ashamed when our name is used in a bad light. But regardless of how our name is used, the choice is ours in how we respond to it.

Seeing how my name will always be attached with the heinous act that I did, I must make up my mind to not allow the negative things said to "move me." You never want your name attached to bad news, evil sayings, or slander. That is why some people choose to post ignorant anonymous comments without attaching their name to it. They are cowards because they hide behind their computer screens slandering without any name accountability to their statements.

"A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches," and on top of that, the best name to be attached to is Jesus Christ. He lived an exemplary life, so that we can see what is right to do in God's eyes. When we make our life in accordance with His name and ways, we are not afraid to use the family name. "For there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved." Acts 4:12

I'm 26 now, and I apparently have my name attached to a story. I'm not ashamed to put my name on it because I'm using Jesus' name with it. My name will always be attached to what I did, but you can best believe His name will be used with what I do. "Nevertheless He saved us for His names sake, that He might make His mighty power known." Psalm 106:8

Happy Birthday Brother

Dear John,

Happy Birthday to you, my oldest brother. Today would have been your 33rd birthday and although I miss you dearly, I am comforted knowing you are at complete peace and in the presence of our Heavenly Father. There are so many things I want to tell you, but I'm gonna keep this short, heartfelt, and to the point.

First off, your daughter Alivia is absolutely amazing and such a gift from God. I know you know this, but I want to tell you anyway. Alivia is the joy of our family and she will always have 3 father figures in the form of her Uncles. Today, mom and dad let her release some balloons to heaven and make wishes. I hope you got them. Oh yea, did Jesus tell you what her wish was? She asked Him if He would let you have some ice cream cake. Bro, she is so precious.

Yo man, I never told you this, but do you remember my high school basketball games and how you would show up early to watch the warm-ups? Well, you would sit in the same seat every home game with a huge smile on your face watching me intently. I hope you don't mind, but Mom told me how proud of me you were when you watched me play. But John, you have no idea how proud I was that you were at my games. Just watching you walk into the gym filled me with more confidence than I needed. Don't tell Coach Feraco this, but when you were watching, I only wanted to impress you. You were always my #1 fan.


On a more serious note, I never asked God "why" when you passed because I knew there was an ultimate plan that needed to be accomplished. I hope you're not mad at that. I'm not so sure how some see it now, but I never saw it more clearly than I do from prison. You paved the way for me and some of the truths you shared with me never made sense until now. You were my brother, and though those who didn't know you well only saw the surface, your heart could not help but to spill out to those you knew and trusted.

I envy you John, for you are with the Creator and King of this universe. But one day, we will all see you again; But not yet, Lord willing, because there are some things I need to do down here that will make you and Jesus proud. It's not gonna be easy, but if the Lord is for me, who can be against me?

Bro, can you believe there are people out there who only want to see me fail? But no worries cause they don't know they are motivating me even more. I'm finally "Being Still" after all these years, and you are one of the reasons for my growth, so thank you. Tell Jesus thank you for understanding too, he'll know what I mean. Alright bro, "Happy Birthday" again and I will write again soon. Miss you earthly, but happy for you heavenly. One last thing, I ponder these questions in your poem you wrote daily:

"What will I do to keep my will broken?
How will I live to have the word spoken?
In me and through me, firmly and truly,
I must give up my life in order to save it,
I must get on my knees and give praise to Him who gave it.
Break down my façade,
Put all faith in God,
And always remember who made me. By JDM

Your Brother, M. Maher
P.S. One Love

Message from the Past

It's crazy to re-read something after a while, especially when it's something you wrote and forgot that you wrote. Seeing that it's my brother John's birthday tomorrow, my mother sent me something that I had written almost a year after my brother passed in December 2005.


I was in my senior year of college when I wrote this and I thought it was unique enough to share. I'm glad my mother found this because it's something I needed to read. My thoughts almost a year after John's death on his first birthday in heaven:




(9/12/06) "Not sure what to even write.... It has been close to a year since my oldest brother has passed and the feeling that he is gone never fades. One thing I do know is that I have changed since that December day. The most valuable lesson I have learned that I will take with me the rest of my life and that I am proud to have accepted at such a young age is: ALWAYS THANK GOD FOR THE BAD IN LIFE, ALONG WITH THE GOOD.
We can't just choose when we want to thank God and only do so when things in life are going fine. Many may say that losing a family member is a bad thing, but does this belief mean that the tragedy was out of God's Hands? I don't think so. I have thanked God over and over again for everything He has done for my family and to be honest, for even taking my oldest brother home. We must always remember to thank Him for everything in our lives, including the tragedies. One quote that I came across and have tried to apply to my life and that may help others in times of need is: "If you are going through the motions spiritually, don't be surprised when God allows pain in your life, because Pain is the fuel of Passion."

I have also learned since that tragic day in December that we ALL fall.... Some fall in public, and some in private, but we all fall........and I will always remember the pure fact that God looks at the heart and I am comforted to know this truth because no one had a heart like my brother.......I love you John and I thank God for your life."




~The meaning of your name "John" is "God is gracious." From the beginning of your death, (your birthday into eternity), God has been nothing but gracious and I see this more than ever from prison.~

The Prisoner's Prayer

After my brother passed away in December, 2005, my family found some of John's journal writings and several poems. We all knew him so well, but his writings and poems shed some light on his inner struggle. Pain was the fuel of his passion, so in honor of his life, I attempted to write a poem that was prompted by my current situation.

In honor of John David Maher, Jr; THE PRISONER'S PRAYER
"To God be the glory in all that I do;
A prisoner's prayer, when all things become new.
But old things must pass, in order to see;
A poem of thanks to Him who made me.
So let me begin, from a spirit not constrained,
A prisoner's prayer, In Jesus' name.....

"Though incarcerated, I am set free;
Not from struggle, but through struggle in me.
Though physically confined, I am at peace;
Authority may be theirs, but my mind is at ease.
Though imprisoned, I count it all blessing;
For by various trials, my faith stands the testing.
Though a convict on paper, I will not slow pace;
Convicted by Christ, I must finish the race.
A prisoner's prayer, by purpose I'm driven;
This too shall pass, Our Savior is risen.
-MJM

~Content and counting it ALL joy~

My Brother John

Jay and I were up at 5am sharp this morning and after my prayers, my first thoughts were of my brother John's life. It's amazing how clear your mind is in the morning, especially when you're at peace. I remember how quiet and reserved, yet strong-minded John was. I learned a lot from watching him at an early age, and I gained confidence from just the fact that I was John Maher's younger brother.

Not too long before he passed, I was home for Thanksgiving, (Ant was living in California playing soccer and Mike was on deployment), and John just had his baby girl, Alivia, 3 months prior. So since our whole family was not home for the holiday, we would eat Thanksgiving dinner out. So my parents, John and I went to a country club for a buffet dinner and it was a packed house. When the buffet line opened, there was no real system as to who went up first. So it was a free-for-all to get into line. My parents and I proceeded to get into line while John was in the bathroom. When he came out, the line was so long, it wrapped around the corner and into the lobby. We all told John to jump in with us, but as if not to be seen or make a scene, he declined our invitation and patiently waited at the end of a very long line. I still remember sitting down with a full plate of food, as John humbly waited till everyone passed through the line. That was John's servant hood attitude; he waited for everyone to go before him. He lived "The first shall be last and the last shall be first" mentality. I didn't understand it then, but I understand it clearly now. It may have taken tragedy and prison for John's actions to make sense to me, but "Blessed are the poor in spirit (Humble), for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven" - Matthew 5:3.

"Oh but to only be as spotless as He.
I thank God for him.
Because He always hears me."

"In all my works, like Him,
I'll be a servant.
In all my words, in praise,
They'll be so fervent.:

"There's no way I could love Him any less,
Because of Him I've been so blessed."

"I praise Him for putting me to the test;
Purifying me with fire so I could be my best."


Poem written by John D. Maher 9-12-77 ~ 12-15-05