Your Job is a Self Portrait

I'm thinking about putting in for a job change here in prison. This morning may have been the straw that broke the camel's back. I would be sacrificing a good job as a teacher's assistant to become a tier sanitation worker. There are about 7 tier sanitation guys, and maybe 2 of them clean every morning. By cleaning, I mean sweeping the floor for about 3 minutes and then mopping the dust and dirt for about 5 minutes, making their actual work time a total of 8 minutes-- compared to my 6 hour-a-day job up in the classroom.

Now, I spend close to 18 hours a day on the tier, which is my home-- temporarily yes-but, it's my home nonetheless. I guess I refuse to allow the place where I lay my head to only be cleaned up for 10 minutes a day. I'm no custodian, but my mother taught me the importance of keeping your house in order, and I know how to take pride in a job, whether it is assisting in the classroom or cleaning toilets. In prison, jobs give you responsibility in hopes that you will learn the importance of hard work and dutiful living.

Unfortunately, the "piece of prison mentality" is that most guys don't look at work as a building block upon release, but rather view it as a burden while incarcerated. Trust me, I'm not doing it for the $1.45 a day pay, but I want to lead by example. Many aren't gonna like this, because hygiene is the last thing they think about, but every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it. Autograph your work with excellence.

Sunday is my deceased brother's birthday....he passed at age 28, and would have been 33. The next 4 days are his...I miss him earthly, but thankful for him Heavenly.

Excellent

I started off this morning with a valuable life lesson and it happened in morning rec. You see, after reading so many books about staying positive, I took one of the main themes on attitude, and applied it to my daily routine. I know that one of the ways to remain positive is to always talk and act positive. Like when somebody asks us "How we are doing?" We usually give a non-emotional response like "Ok", or "Fine," or "Good." Well, my new response has been excellent. "How are things Matt?" "Excellent!" This usually sets the tone of the encounter, and today's response prompted a short, but truth-setting dialogue.

I was relaxing on one of the benches in the yard, where if I'm not working out, I am usually praying or collecting my thoughts. A fellow inmate named Rico approached me and asked, "How you doing Matt?" I responded with enthusiasm, "Excellent!" He then said, "There is nothing excellent about this place," as he shook his head. I countered, "It's a state of mind my friend...It's all perspective. The sun is shining on this beautiful day, and God is good, so yes, I'm excellent." Rico smiled, as if forgetting his previous perspective, and said, "You know what? You're absolutely right. God Bless you," and then walked away.

A simple energetic positive response to "How are you," allowed me to explain why I was excellent and then my attitude affected Rico. It's all perspective sometimes and even though this is prison, it doesn't have to be smothering and robotic. You can be effective anywhere with some positive adjustments and it's contagious. Never allow a circumstance, situation, or PLACE dictate your effectiveness. A one word response, "EXCELLENT," can break the mold. When your circumstances aren't the ordinary, make them extraordinary; it's a choice.


Exhausted today, time to read, "Lineage of Grace" by Francine Rivers, "Mark" in the Bible, and "Purpose Driven Life" again.

~At Peace~

Labor Day

Today is Labor Day, the first Monday in September, which also marks the end of summer for many. It's back to school for student and back to the fall grind for most, but not for a prisoner. It's just another day in the life of an inmate. So on a day set aside for honoring the working man, an inmate doesn't skip a beat. Not only did some work duties continue today, but the same attitudes followed them. The attitude exists that any physical or mental exertion is not fair to us. The "we have the right to something," is one of the main reasons some of us are here. I left that mentality on the outside, because I don't deserve anything in here.

I am not worthy of anything in here and many need to understand that we are not entitled to anything in here. We have been reduced to captives, prisoners, property of the state, thus humbled servants deserving of nothing. But that's not how many look at this situation and so the cycle continues.

They give us enough here to live, but we still believe we deserve more. How true is this in the free world too where we take, take, take, and give only to get back. We are deserving of nothing in this world and we are sent to be servants. God gave us his only begotten son and look what we did to him. But there is still something else we don't deserve-- but we were given freely-- and that is salvation. But many choose not to receive. As a prisoner of the state, I know I deserve nothing, but as a prisoner of Christ, I am taking what was given, the gift of eternal life. Though undeserving, I am humbled to be a servant. For this prisoner, Labor Day is just another day, but in honor of the working man, I am thankful to "have received not the spirit of the world, but the spirit that is from God that we may know the things that have been freely given to us by God." (1Cor.2:12)

HAPPY LABOR DAY!

My Mother's Prayers

No matter what your level of faith is, people in prison are always asking for prayer. It's a common request due to parole eligibility timelines and difficulties associated with prison. Now a days, we use prayer as demands or wishes to fulfill our earthly needs with God's purposes far from our minds.

I had an inmate named ## come up to me and ask me to pray for him and his parole hearing, which is coming up soon. Then he said, "Let's hope God answers our prayers and I'll be home soon." This statement got me thinking about how God answers our prayers. We think that if things don't go the way we planned that God did not answer our prayers. But He always answers and I hope ## understands that if he gets a "hit" that it doesn't mean God ignored his prayers. Likewise, with all of the prayers, how are we praying and for whose benefit, ours or God's? It's only natural to want the best results when we pray, but if the results don't favor our requests, how do we respond?


From personal experience, my mother is a praying woman, and these are a few of her specific prayers that she prayed for me and my brothers: May they walk in a manner worthy of their calling, may their measure of faith grow to full fruition, may no weapon be formed against them be able to prosper, that you, oh Lord, would be their front and rear guard, that you would uphold them in your righteous right hand, they that would be wild at heart for you, and lead purpose driven lives." My mother told me that is a prayer she has been praying verbatim for years and years. My current situation? Well not exactly the answer to those prayers-- or is it?

As I read each line of that prayer, I can see God's answer to every request in my life today. Just when we think a prayer isn't being answered because we are blind- sided by a result or event, we need to understand that God always answers prayers. He is always listening, and His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Sometimes His answer comes by way of trials and tribulations, so I press on toward the goal in Christ Jesus. When our prayers don't turn out the way we asked, ask Him for the way through prayer.

Wanted: A little bit of respect

On the tier, there are two areas that always cause problems: the TV area ( 1 TV for 38 men), and the bathroom. I really haven't watched TV in 8 months, except for the World Cup. I rarely go into the TV area, but I have seen fights over someone changing the channel. One such inmate got several years added to his sentence because of a dispute over changing a channel that resulted in someone getting seriously hurt.

The bathroom, on the other hand, is something that is in constant use throughout the day and night. It can sometimes resemble a nasty, unkept rest stop bathroom. It's cleaned once in the morning and once in the night by the tier sanitation, so anything in between, is based on the respect of the individuals using it.

Well here is the piece of prison mentality that shows how respect is not a common attitude in prison. The bathroom was just finished being cleaned and before the cleaning supplies were even out of the way, one fellow inmate started cleaning his bowl all over the previously mopped up floor. The tier sanitation guy is too shy to say anything, so I decided to speak up. I asked the fellow inmate if he really was gonna make a mess like that and not even clean it up. He looked at me and said, "What do you care, you didn't clean it." I told him what difference does it make who cleaned it? Show some respect! His response --a hearty laugh. So I said, "Figures, since you didn't clean it, you have zero respect for it. Yea, that's a good way to live." He didn't respond and walked out. Zero respect and we all live here. That bathroom doesn't clean itself. It's impossible to win these battles in here, and it's sad to see such disrespect for others and "our own common environment." I can't control others behaviors, but my peace of prison mentality is: "Treat others the way I would like to be treated."

The shy tier sanitation inmate came up to me after and said, "What can you do?" Some of these guys never learn if they don't know by now."

What can you do in an environment where respect is wanted but not given? The answer: Continue to give it.

It doesn't matter where you are, who you are, or what your background is, what matters is that you can make a difference no matter your surroundings, for a light is best seen in the dark!!

Listening Ear

It's been a long day, but I got a lot done. I worked in the morning and afternoon, but was able to complete several letters during the down time. This is probably the fifth time that I tried to write down my thoughts, but each time was interrupted and "beat down" by a one-sided conversation. I actually wrote the first sentence of this blog at 8:15 pm and its now 10:25 pm.

In a tier environment, interruptions are expected. But today was way too much. I sit here and listen intently, but after an hour, my head wants to scream. I'm not sure if that's wrong or not, but my ears win the battle with my impatient mind. This place is a beast and if handled the right way can really develop a level of patience incomparable to the "free world."

I learned after the latest onslaught of interruptions, that I have to allow patience to do its perfect work, as difficult as it may be at times. I need to do it eagerly and earnestly because patience produces perseverance.

You could only believe this if you were here to see it, but it is now 11:35 pm, and if I had not wrote about patience and its benefits, that conversation I was just in, would have been the final straw.

Fortunately, I learned a lot about this "one-sider." Many in here are in so much pain, and this individual said he was waiting all day to talk to me because he was struggling with a lot of things. Turns out all he needed was a listening ear, sprinkled with some faith based advice. It's so sad to listen to pain that has no comforter. Many bear these burdens alone and don't realize that when we present all of our worries, anxieties, and problems to God that He will handle them. "Casting our cares upon Him for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Practicing Prison Patience is not a light task, but is a discipline that bears fruit. I have to wake up in five hours and that doesn't bother me because it's another day to learn something new.
~~HUMBLED AND CONTENT~~~

Hometown Hate

I don't find it hard to write my thoughts or beliefs because they come with such conviction, but I've learned that it's hard for people to believe what you say and easier for them to believe how you act and what they see. I heard an interesting quote that went like this, "Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words." I love that idea, but unfortunately, in life, there will always be those who judge us no matter what we do. Even harder is the image a convicted felon will have with him for the rest of his life, especially going home to their respected communities.

For me, I know there are many who only knew me from High School and being "that guy." FACT: I was popular because of my sport's accomplishments. FACT:. I was also confident because of my older brother's, their reputations, and my athletic ability. FACT: But I was also immature.Yet, there will always be those who judge me from my immature teen years. But here is the catch, those same people, who may never of had a conversation with me, were angry when I would accomplish. And now, as a young adult, many of the same ones were glad when I caused tragedy. I could never understand how somebody could be happy about someone else's misery.

I know it's a struggle for an inmate to face their hometowns when released because I hear about those worries daily. They believe that nobody is going to believe they changed and will always hold that over their heads. Well, here is another fact, people will always judge, and we cannot control that. It is my encouragement, as a prisoner to other prisoners, that we do not lose heart or conviction upon release. Keep your head up and remember that you are not defined by your past.

I remember a certain individual who when He went back to his hometown, many did not receive Him. He was a great man in the eyes of all who really knew Him. But, those who just saw his background, family, and upbringing refused to accept Him for who He really was and what He stood for. His hometown was fickle towards Him, but that did not stop Him from pressing forward in faith.

This man went by the name of Jesus and His hometown was Nazareth (Matthew 13:54-58). "So they were offended by Him. But Jesus said to them, ‘A prophet is not without honor except in his own country and in his own house.'"

Because of their familiarity with Jesus, the people failed to recognize Him for who He was, their eyes were blinded by disbelief.