Belly of a Whale

I slept beautifully last night and was back at it at 5:30 am. I’m into the book of Jonah in the Bible and I read through it three times today and some thoughts really hit me along with the readings of today’s “Streams in the Desert.” A lot of times in life we forget that our mountains and our storms are created by God and He will do with them as He pleases. He brings them into our lives to get our attention, and when His purpose is achieved He turns “His mountains” into flat roads. “I will make each of My mountains a road…” Isaiah 49:11 We are so like Jonah with our disobedience, our reluctance, and our complaining; yet God’s purpose, deliverance, and compassion never fail.
Basically, God commanded Jonah to do something, in return, he disobeyed and fled. In response to Jonah running away, God sent a storm, His storm, to get his attention. Instead of taking notice to the storm, Jonah slept. Jonah awakes and admits to the mariners that God sent the storm and he is the reason for it. He tells the sailors to throw him overboard and it will cease. They do and the storm stopped. The Lord then prepared (His fish), a fish to swallow Jonah, where Jonah prayed for deliverance and God answered him. The story goes on and Jonah completes the original task God asked of him and then complains when God decides not to bring his wrath upon a town called Nineveh. Jonah believes he has the right to be angry with God’s decision.
Now here is us in several sentences:
God presents us with something: an opportunity, a circumstance, a command, and we run from it. When we run from God, He sends a “storm” to get our attention. But instead of taking notice of God’s storm, we sleep right through it, ignoring its existence and God’s sovereignty. Now many around us will feel the effects of this storm, even though they had nothing to do with it. And still in an attempt to get away, we remove ourselves from those people. Here is the mercy and grace of God, after we flee from His instruction and sleep through His storms, He still places us in a place (the belly of a fish) for our own protection. He is just waiting for us to ask for help or as Jonah said:”I cried out to the Lord because of my affliction, and He answered me.” Jonah 2:2 Out of the belly of a fish, out of a circumstance we can’t control, through a storm, or on a mountain, when we ask for deliverance, He answers.
The rest of Jonah is a whole other lesson in itself about questioning God. Jonah was a complainer—and the moral of the story is-- Who are we to question and hide from God?
Some storms raining in our lives are from God, placed only in our way to get our attention. We forget that He holds these storms in His very hands and paves a road in our mountains, they are His and He places them there for a reason.
Jonah 2:10 “So the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.”
When we ask, the Lord will deliver us for the Lord is sovereign over His creation to bring about His purpose.
Thankful for His storms, His mountains, and His fish.
~~~CONTENT TO BE IN THE BELLY OF THE WHALE~~~~

THINGS UNSEEN

Nothing crazy today. Work in the am and rec in the afternoon. I’m doing nothing but body weight sets in the yard: push ups, pull ups, dips, and hand stand push ups on the wall—Nicholas Cage style from Con-Air. I am feeling great physically, mentally, and spiritually. On the way out to the yard, we have to walk through a metal detector. I can’t see or feel the power at work whatever it is that detects metal passing through it. Once in the prison yard, sometimes I use my personal am/fm radio to listen to music. I can’t see the radio waves signaling to my radio, but I hear what is coming through. Even on a blazing hot day, there is a slight breeze. The big yard is a square and three of its sides are blocked in; one by the prison itself, and 2 sides surrounded by woods. But the 4th side has a slight clearing, which allows for the wind to blow through. I can’t see the wind, yet I feel it and see the rustle of the trees. On a hot day, I feel the heat, but I can’t see the sun’s rays. I know the rays are tanning me because I can see the effect on my skin.
All of these things I cannot see, yet without a shadow of a doubt they exist, because we either feel or hear their effect. In all these things, we do not question, for we take them as the evidence of things not seen. We cannot see the source that provides the substance, but we trust in it and know they are real. The sonar that detects the metal, the waves that transmit the music, the winds that cools the summer day, the rays of sun which color my skin, and GOD: His love, His grace, His peace! I cannot see them, but I know they are for real. By faith, I understand.

SURPRISED

I had a pleasant surprise today when they called me out of my morning class to the interview room. I wasn’t expecting anybody, so I said a quick prayer and proceeded to movement control. Now anytime they pull you out of your normal procedure of the day is tense because you never know why or where they are calling you down to. It’s the epitome of having no control. The pleasant part came into play when I found out it was my Pastor from home visiting me. We just “kicked it” for two straight hours. What a blessing! He asked how I was doing and I told him, “I absolutely love life, God is good and I’m at complete peace. I wish everyone could feel what I feel.” I paused for a second and continued, “Pastor they can. This is God, not me.” He knew all that and said he just wished everyone would submit and feel God’s grace and peace.
Along with that topic, the Pastor brought up a skepticism that sent me on a tangent, a good tangent. The skepticism was an opinion-based doubt. It is more along the line of, “You know there are probably a lot of people who may see you at peace or hear you’re at peace, but believe it will wear off in time.” He didn’t say those exact words and he was only talking freely. I responded, “I want to feel this way and live like this the rest of my life.” I told the Pastor of how it is in prison with being real. I told him time will always tell. See in prison, you are around people 24/7, and when you are around people that long, their true colors usually shine through. In prison, you may think you know somebody and that they are stand-up individuals in one way or another (heck we’re all criminals), but eventually time will tell. Consistency is rare in prison. Shoot, consistency is rare in the free world. The tier environment is exactly like a couple newly dating. Everyone is on their best behavior upon meeting, but as time goes on, the real trash comes out. If you want to see somebody’s sincere character, watch their consistency level. On the street, you can be one way in public, and air out your dirty laundry in private. Is the way you act in private consistent with how you are in public? As for me, the peace of God I feel is so real. Will I be consistent a year from now, ten years from now? Will my testimony and convictions stand the test of time? Time will tell. The best is yet to come.

PURPOSEFUL MACARONI

It cooled off tremendously on the tier, which brings people back to life as you can see by the activity and chatter all around. As I write, an argument is brewing about a macaroni found in the sink. The inmate who cleans the bathroom does an outstanding job and really goes off when someone disrespects the bathroom.
In an environment, where 88 men have to share a bathroom, heads are bound to bump because of what level of clean and sanitary is expected. Now I’m not talking simply about the macaroni that was found in the sink, but much grosser things that I will not talk about. I, too, believe it is disgusting and shows a lack of respect for other people when you don’t take care of the common area—especially a bathroom. Prison or not, this is our house and you should respect your environment. I often wonder if it is too late to change one’s habits? I don’t really think so, I think change is possible, but it takes effort and won’t happen over night. It is important that we learn to adapt to our environment, otherwise we will become blind to our affect on others around us. My dad would always say, “Adapt and overcome regardless of the circumstances and challenges.” To adapt doesn’t mean to concede to the “if I can’t beat them, join them mentality. Rather adaptability is the ability to change, which comes from being humbled. Adapting is not surrendering to your circumstances, it’s facing them.
I am thankful I have learned to adapt and overcome. And all of these thoughts come from a macaroni left in the sink. I guess what I am saying is, “We shouldn’t become what our environment is telling us to become. It all starts with self-respect which leads to humility, and humility leads to learning and when we learn , we adapt and overcome. So instead of surrendering and adopting the characteristics of your circumstances, adapt and overcome.
~~~THANKFUL TO BE FINDING PURPOSE THROUGH THE MACARONI IN THE SINK~~~




http://www.themattmaherstory.com

BURIED OR PLANTED?

Beautiful day of rest Sunday. This is one thing it seems the Department of Corrections modeled after the first days of creation, because on Sundays in prison, there is not much movement and it truly is a day of rest.

Church tonight was amazing and the Bishop brought the Word. He said, "You need to get into the Word, so the Word can get into you." Here is what I learned in my words:
What "they" say I did, I did;
but who "they" say I still am, I'm not.
I'm a different man these days and I can wholeheartedly say that because of God, His grace and His mercy, I am a new creation. I act differently and I talk differently, but none of these things are because of me or my doing. God has made me new in Christ and has given me reconciliation: "A change of relation from enmity to peace." The world may find this hard to believe and even those who know me may doubt, and I'm fine with that because society wants to evaluate others based on the values of the world. Many have already counted me out and many will continue to doubt my transformation. I'm not mad at that either because they only know what I did, and that's my fault. I got into a hole myself and the haters threw the dirt on me and buried me. All of this time, I believed the haters were wrong, but I understood everyone is entitled to their opinion and the reality is--- an innocent life was taken. I embrace being buried, because though they looked at it as burying me, the Lord meant it to plant me. And what is planted must sprout up and bear fruit. I did what they say I did; but I'm not who they still say I am .
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river. And will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought. Nor will cease from yielding fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8

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Faith vs Responsibility...Any questions?

“Just waiting on this date,” “Waiting to see parole,” “Waiting on my time.” These are some of the answers in response to the question: “What’s going on?” I have talked about waiting before because a lot of time in prison is spent waiting. Inmates believe there is nothing else to do, but to wait for things to happen around us. This attitude of waiting is something we get used to as prisoners, and I’m afraid it’s a habit that many will take with them upon release. Waiting can be a good thing at times because we may be practicing patience. But when it comes to walking by faith, the “waiters” miss the blessings. “Waiters” are always getting ready, but never going,, never acting, and never responding. The “waiter’s” attitude says, “If the Lord wanted this, He would bring it to pass,” or “I’m just waiting on God.” When things go wrong and we are faced with adversity, the “waiter” will blame it on God’s will and sit sidelined instead of responding to it. Waiting on circumstances shifts the responsibility. We no longer see fit to act upon anything ,and we may miss opportunities given to us for our spiritual development.
You can only be effective if you are ready and willing. The faithful don’t just sit back and wait, instead they prepare, they react, and they take responsibility. “Resting in the Lord and waiting patiently for God” is not a call to be inactive, but a command to depend actively on the Lord. Do not fall in love with waiting, imprisoned or not, when we wait, we miss!.

~~~PREPARATION IS THE BEGINNING OF OPPORTUNITY~~~~

Star-Ledger Exclusive Interview with Matt!!!

Hey Guys,

I wanted to share with you a personal real-time interview http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2010/08/ex-professional_soccer_player.html with Matt for today's blog entry. We are so excited about some of the possibilities suggested in this article and wanted to know your opinions as well. The Star-Ledger in New Jersey interviewed Matt about a month ago and it was just published this morning. This is a pretty controversial article as it deals with a possible "First" in prison history. Please feel free to comment on the article (you need to register=FREE prior to posting)and share it with your friends. God is good and we will be satisfied with the court's ruling either way because God is in control. Matt wants the opportunity to share his story with kids as it is still fresh and we feel it could be so much more compelling having him personally tell it. We would love to hear your thoughts. God Bless!

ACCUSED

It’s 4:15 pm on the tier, and already a blessed and eventful day. The Star Ledger came and interviewed me for about an hour and a half this morning. I believe the interview went very well, and the writer was understanding and very professional. I’m not sure when the story will come out or even what it will be about, but I stressed the power of God’s grace and the importance to keep moving forward with purpose. I prayed hard before and after the interview and I believe the rest is in
God’s hands. That was the blessed part of the day.
Now the eventful part came into play, when another inmate accused someone of stealing. Needless to say, the entire tier was addressed by the accuser, as he called everyone out “blah, blah, blah…” Well, after a while of ranting and raving and listening to everyone being called a thief, which would include me, since I live on the tier. I stepped up and put him on blast telling him he ought to be specific before he calls everyone “thieves.” It defused the situation, but it was foolish on my part to get involved. Just goes to show you, I still have a long way to go. I fall over and over again, but I’m recognizing it quickly and trying so hard to stay in “my box” completely. Even during that little encounter, I remained cool and collected, but I still felt my “ego” get the best of me. Recognizing our flaws is the first step in changing those traits. Every time I realize a selfish motive comes out of me,, that shows me that I need to remove that defect and get to the next level. I know the only way to get where I want to be is to continually surrender to God. The more challenging my circumstances become, the greater the opportunity to see God more clearly and I need to allow him to raise me to new levels of living. “Never looking back or too far in front of me, the present is a gift and I just wanna BE…..STILL!!. Thank you John Kirk.
~~~~BE STILL AND KNOW~~~

Falling Star

I woke up a little before 5 am this morning to jingling keys because 2 Corrections Officers came in to take my Bunkie to court. From that point on, I was up and waited for Jay to awake for our work out. Getting the extra jumpstart to my day allowed me to thoroughly review the book of Ezekiel in the“Bible in a Year.” It was interesting to see the description of the King of Tyre, with his comparison to Satan and pride being the main sin problem. It was said he was: “the seal of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty…”
“the anointed cherub who covers, established by God…”
“perfection in your ways from the day you were created…”
“your heart was lifted up because of your beauty…” YET
“you have become a horror, and shall be no more forever.” (Ezekiel 28: 11-19)
Interesting, the fall came all because of pride. It amazes me to see that Satan was held in such high esteem. The first description is more than enough for a being to be content, “seal of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.” Yet the desire was for something more.
We fall into this same category today. We want more money, more respect, more fame, more things. These ambitions are driven by self. The sin of pride has been the catalyst for many downfalls. Lucifer, which means, “Day Star” held the highest exalted position in heaven. To express the meaning of Lucifer, he was the brightest star there was, and yet he wanted more. The only one brighter than him was his Creator and Master God.
When God makes us a star, we should shine as we are. There is nothing wrong with showing your splendor, but only as a reflection and exaltation to our Creator. It is when we take what was given to us and use it for self, when we believe we are better than those around us, that we strive to impress and succeed without giving full reverence to God. “Pride cometh before a fall.”
I am guilty as charged with misplaced pride, but I am working daily to remove “self” from the equation. I am and will always be a work in progress, under God’s construction.
Male leadership with Pastor Vic was amazing. Several inmates gave their testimonies and Pastor talked about keeping our godly character. In the face of adversity, and when the chaos of the tier can easily push buttons, keep your character in form. Interview tomorrow with the Star Ledger—praying for wisdom.
~~~YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES DO NOT DETERMINE YOUR OPPORTUNITIES~~~

Are you listening?

In a tier environment, your privacy is your bunk area, and your peace has to be your bed. When inmates want to escape the chaos of the tier, they just retire to their area to relax, read, sleep, listen to music etc. Even the yard is used as an escape from the madness of prison. Inmates will walk the track, listen to their music, or just simply lay in the yard to block out their surroundings. There are so many different things inmates do to “lose themselves” in prison. I’ve watched countless inmates be the center of the commotion, wearing everyone out around them, and even exhausting themselves, forcing them to retire to their respected bunk area to rest and recharge their battery. Upon re-charging, they are back at it again, wearing somebody else out. (Wearing somebody out in prison is exhausting them by conversations placing them in a “headlock” of chatter).

Unfortunately because of Jayson’s notoriety, he doesn’t have a safe haven. His personal space doesn’t provide any peace and privacy. When someone wears him out, he escapes to his area, and another inmate intercepts him and begins a conversation. His high visibility never allows him any down time. I have watched countless times how this cycle takes place, and I’ve watched how Jayson always responds consistently with attention and a compassionate ear. He treats everyone the same and does unto them what he would have them do unto him. His example of care and enthusiasm is modeled after Jesus Christ.
I asked him how he deals with the continuous interruptions, and he admitted that it is exhausting at times, but completely understands that God has blessed him greatly. I’m learning to take a page out of Jay’s book as I sometimes get weary of being constantly interrupted, especially when I am trying to get work done at my bunk.
Although a lot of conversations can be one-sided, it is better to show Christ by lending your ear than to show Satan by acting ignorantly. I have a model to live by, not only in the Word and Jesus, but also in the form of 6’10” man with a listening ear the same size. Returning to my safe haven soon to read and pray. Tier life, crazy, but insightful. Sharpening the gifts the good Lord blessed me with.
~~~A man’s gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men~~~Proverbs 18:16

Dreaming while Awake

It is a gorgeous day outside and I just finished the book, “David: A Man of Passion and Destiny” by Charles Swindoll. Very powerful book that puts King David’s life into perspective so that we can relate. I’m now onto “Wide Awake” by Erwin McManus, which is about living out your dreams.
One part that compared Joseph’s life, (The Dreamer), and our dreams really stuck out to me. It said, “The process in Joseph’s life took not days or months or even years, but decades. Sometimes the life God dreams for us take a lifetime to come to pass. Great lives that are born out of great dreams often come through great sacrifice and great suffering. Our dreams, the ones God places inside of us, are a foretaste of our destiny. But there is a danger of wanting that dream so badly that you’re willing to sacrifice your character. God will never sacrifice who you are for what you can accomplish. We are in danger when “getting there” becomes the most important thing to us. Even when you have the right dream, you can make the wrong choices. The way you begin to live out your God-given dreams is to become the person God desires you to be. Joseph went on a long journey and he went through a lot of pain, and his life was a nightmare, but his dream was a foretaste of his destiny. Maybe the problem wasn’t about how long it took for the dream to come to pass, but how long it took to make the dreamer. Your dreams are the product of your longings, a portrait of your potential, and a promise of your future.” (p.22 Wide Awake)
I thought that passage summed up life’s dreams pretty well and that our dreams don’t have to be a “wild fancy or hope,” but can actually be lived out under God’s good purpose. To those around Joseph, mostly his family, I’m sure he was deemed a habitually impractical person; a dreamer. Yet he believed his dreams and trusted God. I doubt Joseph knew that his hardships had purpose, but he continued to endure living out his dreams. Even during affliction, God is in complete control. If the mind can dream it, wide awake, then the body can achieve it under God’s good and perfect plan.
OK enough about Joseph, I’m back to reality, and as I look around at the countless inmates sleeping and probably dreaming at 2:20 in the afternoon, I am thankful that I’m wide awake and dreaming: My circumstances haven’t changed and my environment hasn’t changed, but I believe I have changed.
~~~CREATING A FUTURE FROM MY DREAMS~~~

If the Devil only Knew

Today is a day which I fast each week. I have been doing it for several months and it hasn’t been that bad. I usually pray all day and keep my mind on things above as opposed to things in front of me. It figures the devil would be tempting me during this discipline because my absolute favorite breakfast for the week, which is usually on Fridays, was moved to Thursdays. That’s okay because it just makes my fast mean so much more by giving up something I usually look forward to. Another one of those “if the devil only knew” scenarios. If he only knew that by tempting me to break my fast on Thursday’s only makes me more determined to persevere.
If the devil only knew that prison would bring the best out of me, not the worst. If the devil only knew that separating me from my family and friends would draw me closer to God. If the devil only knew that confinement would set me free. So many “if the devil only knew” scenarios and I’m thankful that we don’t know either. Not knowing is what makes us place our trust in the lord.
If we knew the outcome already, there would be no need for faith. “For faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11) We are called to walk by faith and not by sight.
I have no idea where I will be in the future, I have no idea what I will be doing upon release…and I’m not worried because one thing I do know and that is “all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”
~~~IF THE DEVIL ONLY KNEW THAT PAIN IS THE FUEL OF PASSION~~~

HALL OF FAITH

So much talk the past few days about LeBron James going to Miami. No doubt, Lebron will be a future Hall of Famer. No doubt his hard work, dedication, and commitment has brought him to where he is today. This topic got me thinking about what it takes to be in the Hall of Fame for your sport. You must set yourself apart from the rest in one way or another. It takes sacrifice and discipline and not everyone can accomplish such a feat. I think it would be amazing to be in the Hall of Fame, such clout and notoriety.
Fortunately, I can think of another “Hall” I would like to be in that puts the Hall of Fame to shame---and that’s the Hall of Faith. What does it take to make the Hall of Faith? There are an abundance of faithful servants in the Bible who did amazing things for the kingdom, but in Hebrews Chapter 11, there is a list of the “Hall of Faithfuls,” who by faith stood out from the rest. By faith, Abraham obeyed….By faith Abel offered… By faith Noah prepared…By faith Moses forsook…each one has a true and historical background story and can be read about in more detail in their designated books in the Bible. One man stood out to me who made the “Hall of Faith” without a huge biography. In fact, he is only mentioned in the Bible in a handful of verses. What did this man named Enoch do in life to be mentioned in the Hall of Faith? And on top of that, he never experienced death. I’ll tell you, “By faith Enoch was taken away so that he did not see death, and was not found because God had taken him, for before he was taken, he had this testimony, that pleased God. (Hebrews 11:5-6) That’s it? By faith, Enoch had this testimony, that he pleased God. All he did was walk with God? No great boat to his credit, no son offered for sacrifice, no waiting 40 years….what a beautiful truth to read. Enoch had his testimony and he pleased God. This is such an encouragement when you think you are not big enough to make a statement. When you feel as if God has only given you a little task to work on, take heart for He only requires that we please him with our testimony. By faith, Enoch had a testimony…..
People out there may hate me, people out there may not understand me, and people out there may not respect me……but I have a testimony and by faith I will declare it. Like Enoch, we need to be in agreement with God and walk with Him by faith.
~~~CAN TWO WALK TOGETHER, UNLESS THEY ARE AGREED?” Amos 3:3
Time to listen to more ranting about LeBron. I heard soccer camp went well. Anthony runs a tight ship—Praise God.

Puzzled

As always, another relaxing Sunday. Some beautiful truths during the morning TV church services about putting actions behind your faith. After morning rec, I did some reading and writing, until I was interrupted to read something. Little did I know that I would spend the next few hours trying to figure "it" out. The only thing that stopped me from going crazy with it was the World Cup final-- which I had to watch Spain win!
I swear, I couldn't stop thinking about the "Hidden Books of the Bible" and upon the soccer game ending, I resumed my mission to complete the task. I found 15 of the 16 and I am hoping someone can find the 16th hidden book. Please let me know! Here is the objective, called the "Hidden Books of the Bible". This is really interesting, but kind of hard. There are names of 16 books of the Bible mentioned in the paragraph below. A minister found 15 books in 20 minutes, but it took him weeks to find the 16th one. The books I found are capitalized, but I still can't find one....
I once made a reMARK about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a luLU KEpt people looking. So hard for fACTS....and for others it was a REVELATION. Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books were not capitalized. But the tRUTH finally struck home to NUMBERS of our readers. To others it was a real JOB. We want it to be A MOSt fascinating moment for you. yES THERe will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require JUDGES to help them. I will quickly admiT IT Usually takes a minister to find some of them, and there will be loud LAMENTATIONS, when it is found. A little lady says sHE BREWS a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can comPETE. Relax now, for there are really sixteen names of books in this paragraph.
That's it! The one's I found are in caps and I can't find the 16th book. Very mind twisting.
~~~DO NOT BELIEVE WHAT YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES ARE TELLING YOU~~~

Whats your Angle?

"Premeditation" is a heck of a word in our legal system. In prison, there are several individuals who have committed "premeditated acts." I have heard this word used many times and it's never in a good context. In prison, "premeditated inmates" are those who "play the angles", meaning: the inmate already has the desired end-result figured out long before he begins to "work a specific angle or strategy." For example: I've witnessed inmates initiate friendships with other inmates based exclusively on their "new friend's" release date. In this situation, the only desired outcome is inheriting the personal belongings of the inmate who is leaving. Traditionally, when an inmate is released, these items are left behind for fellow inmates in your circle. A "premeditated act" such as this one requires at least a week and quite often several weeks to plot out. Actions that are calculated in advance (with a specific, undisclosed outcome in mind) are often devious in nature and ultimately self-serving.
This really got me thinking about the level of determination we as human beings exhibit when we really want a specific result, reward or outcome in the end. It's crazy to think about the amount of time, energy, and brainpower we expend trying to orchestrate in advance some sort of personal benefit or gain; it is nothing more than selfish ambition. If we adopted the very same firmness of purpose and applied it within the boundaries of God's will, how much more would be accomplished? (For the good!)
Observing certain behaviors in prison is teaching me a lot about human nature. When our minds are really set on something, we push beyond obstacles with deliberate intent and do whatever it takes to ensure our plan is carried out.
I am convinced as I move forward that it is definitely possible to be a positive, "premeditated person." Anything I design, ponder, or deliberate for God's purposes will inevitably direct me to the right path and enable me to fulfill His perfect plan for my life. God takes good pleasure in seeing His plan carried out for higher purposes; most of which we may never understand until we are with Him in Eternity.
~~~~What angles are we playing in our own lives toward God's good and perfect plan?~~~~~~

Uplifting Letter

It’s noontime on the Tier. Already had morning rec and it was 85 degrees and then all of a sudden it started to pour out. It rained for about 30 minutes, but it felt good. Everybody just continued to work out during the downpour without skipping a beat. The sun eventually peaked out through the clouds and started to dry up our soaking wet clothes. I got back onto the tier into the high humidity. The large fan which circulates air is apparently broken because of the circuit breaker. It feels like a garage or yard shed on a hot summer day, no breeze and muggy.
It is what it is though. Not too much left to do on today except another rec at 5:30, probably will read and write all day. Still moving forward and still motivated through several encouraging things. It’s such a blessing to receive an encouraging letter from the outside, but today I am going to share an uplifting letter I received from the inside. The letter was addressed to both Jay and I based on this inmate’s observations and interactions. The following is a portion of the letter sent to us.
To Jayson and Matt,
“Where to begin. Sometimes in life the consequences of your decisions take you to places that you could have never fathomed you’d be. And once in a while, you can get shown the light in the strangest of places, if you look at it just right. There you can turn a negative into something extraordinarily positive. That’s how I view my world today, through eyes that see past the bad and accentuate the positives. I see both of you as saviors of sort, angels, as redemption for me. And not just because you are helping others, but I see that by helping others, you are really helping yourself get though this in your own way. To deal with this maelstrom of ignorance and helplessness that surrounds us all. You both are doing a noble act and should be proud of yourselves. I want to join the party. What should I bring? That’s funny that you said in the yard: resourcefulness, adaptability, intelligence, education, life experience, family support, precise/articulate/concise thinking, good looks (see humor) and most of all, someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to make a difference. Sure I messed up, but my past doesn’t define who I am today and who I can be tomorrow.
We all have our own story, some better than others. You have both lived special types of lives. Jayson’s in the eyes of the media more only because of the way money sells sports, but Matt on persistency and patience, both of you did what you loved. My heart is in the right place as well as my head…”

Dodged a BULLET

Talk about dodging a bullet, JJ is back from lock up. No charges and all allegations cleared up. It was unbelievable and his face was brighter than ever. I am so relieved; he is back and will probably move back into my tier. God’s hand was on his life and I know he knows this. That was a wake-up call for a lot of people, and even for me, seeing how quickly things can change in prison and sometimes it’s too late. I thought I would never see that man again. Jay and I wrote him a letter and for some reason didn’t send it out yet. I’m gonna give him the sealed envelope to show him our sincere thoughts and what we wanted to say to him upon him leaving. He said he wrote us one too from lock-up, so we will see that later too. In the blink of an eye, so close. Thankful for this man and for the grace of God that rested on JJ. On another note, its 100 plus degrees today, probably close to 90 degrees in this brick over tier. No complaints on my end. God is good.
~~~~AT PEACE~~~~~~~~

What I AM

So, let’s see, according to the State, I am Inmate #####, but I know I am who I am….
Currently, I am property of the DOC at Mid State, but I know I am where I am….
My face sheet states that I am a violent offender, but I know I am what I am….
I am all of these things and they certainly can be found on the internet, but I am what I am by the grace of God….
“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain, but I labored more abundantly than them all, yet not I, but by the grace of God which was with me.” I Corinthians 15:10
I did not ask for this, and I did not plan for this, but I caused this…. Now I’m embracing this, because I am who I am and I’m reaching my cause, by the grace of God…
My past will try to destroy my future and that is what it is….People will continue to talk, people will continue to hate, but no worries, because by the grace of God I am who I am and His grace will much more abound.
“Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more…Romans 5:20
One day at a time, no more and no less, because the grace of God is sufficient for me…
I am inadequate, but I am what I am, and the Lord’s strength is made perfect in my weakness by the grace of God…
“And He said to me. My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness…” IICorinithians 12:9
I did not bring anything but faith to the table and only by the grace of God.
I am able to get up from under affliction….
I am confined and I am where I am, but I will make it by grace…
“For the Lord is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11