Out of character

Two steps forward and three steps back. Unfortunately, when you start off your day stepping backwards, it's hard to make a forward progress. I learned a very valuable lesson today about how I should start and end my days, and all before 7 am. Same wake up time (5:30 AM), and same morning routine, except today the lights came on at 5:40 am instead of 6 am, so a lot of individuals were up, and I needed to get out of their way. I usually have 30 minutes in the morning before anyone is up to do my work out and prayer. Since the lights came on earlier than usual, I did not get to pray and from then on, everything seemed off. I still did my readings before 6:30 am mess, but my mind wasn't clear and I wasn't concentrating. I came back from mess at 6:45 am, and this is when the back-stepping took place.

For the past few weeks, every morning, when I would get back from mess, the same inmate would be sitting in my seat, where I do my writing. It became so scripted that I wouldn't be able to tell if he was messing with me or not. I would ask him if I could get my seat and sometimes I would even joke around with him about it. He would eventually get up and give me my seat. (I say my seat because it's actually my assigned chair with my bed # on it). But I could never understand why he would continue to do it every morning.

Well, this morning, I lost it and without giving the shameful details, I definitely came out of character. Very brief, but very unchristian-like and it was all because I started off my day ‘backwards'; not in prayer with my Father. Let's just say he won't be sitting in my seat anymore. When I look back at the situation, it's not even something I should have cared to react to. I apologized to this inmate about an hour later, but the backsliding had already taken place. Never again will I begin my day without taking the time to dedicate my day to God. You never realize the difference a simple prayer can make; the difference between a mentality of peace or chaos, light or dark. The difference between progression or digression.

Two steps forward and three steps back, and it all depends on how we start and end each day.

"The backslider in heart will be filled with his own ways, But a good man will be satisfied from above." Proverbs 14:14