My mom mails me all of the comments from the blog. I take everyone’s opinion with a joyful spirit because whether it is negative or positive—it all motivates me equally. I am abundantly thankful for everyone’s willingness to share. I want to address a comment that I read about me sharing only the “up” times, and not the “down” times of prison. Believe me, I am human and I am not exempt from feeling down. But I want to make it equally clear, that I believe feeling down is a state of mind, and regardless of your surroundings, circumstances, or trials, you ultimately control your thoughts. I am only where I am today, mentally and spiritually because of Jesus Christ and my willingness to finally surrender to His ever-present help in times of need. (Hebrews 4:16) So the question posted: Do I think there is any value to sharing the down times with young people? Well. Here is my answer. This environment is definitely tough and it can break you down mentally, if, and I do say if, you allow it too. I can say, with God as my witness, that I have not had any down or depressing days since I have been incarcerated on January 7th. Moments many, but days none. The moments have only lasted minutes because I keep my mind stayed upon the Lord. He will sustain us, because He cares for us. (1 Peter 5:7) It is a process of turning our thoughts over to God the very moment such feelings may enter. Feelings of anxiety, fear, pain, jealousy, hopelessness, shame, guilt, despair. regret, defeat, negativity, loneliness, etc….all lead to feeling down or depressed.
I cannot relate to depression because I have thankfully never felt it my entire life. I know it is individual and much can depend on chemical hormones. My oldest brother John, who passed away in 2005, had his down days and a Dr. would say he suffered from depression. I don’t know what John was feeling, but I believed John allowed his mind to take him on an emotional roller coaster. (Again I am not a Doctor and many would disagree with me). I just think that what we place in our mind can help with keeping our feelings in balance. Life should not be a series of bungee jumping highs and lows. We need to recognize our feelings and deal with them proactively. I believe we should attempt to keep our feelings on an even keel, not too high and not too low. That means even though life may throw its bungee jumping highs and lows at us, we should be consistent to recognize our feelings associated with such experiences—and guard them.
Recognizing them is the first step in not allowing them to resonate mentally. I believe that the very moment we turn our thoughts over to God; He is quick to replace those thoughts with His peace, which surpasses all human understanding. (Phil.4:7) It guards out hearts and minds if we allow it. It’s a choice to not allow those thoughts in. I have said it before-- thoughts become feelings and feelings become actions. A majority of things we worry about are things in which we cannot change. Worrying isn’t going to change the outcome, so why let the stress take hold of our life. The value of me sharing this is that I believe, no one is exempt from feeling down/depressed, but it is possible to weather those feelings. I would be more than willing to share my “depressed days”, but I haven’t encountered them yet, nor do I see any in sight. I know I can be “rocked” at anytime, but I am determined to get up after that moment’s time of feeling “rocked.” It’s not me, it’s not my strength; it’s God, His power, His peace.
I cannot speak for others, I am not out to deceive anybody with the joy in my life. I am humbled and completely gratified to receive feedback, encouragement, support, and opinions. I am only sharing what it is the Lord places on my heart to share. My thoughts and day’s emotions are put on paper as best as I can depict them.