Battle with self

"Self" and sin won over today for a moment in time. Father forgive me because my soul is in anguish when I fall. And it only takes a moment. I can't let my spiritual guard down for a second in here, but that was the problem, because I'm struggling with the "worldly" guard-- which is our ego's.

The incident happened in a basketball game and though I didn't back down because you can't in here, I'm completely torn with how I acted because of not backing down. It was broken up after a minor squirmish, but that moment is all it takes to escalate to the point of no return. Jay was right there and would not have allowed it to get that far, but the battle is within and with sin. The conflict is that I'm doing the things I don't want to do and not doing what I'm supposed to do (Romans 7:15-17).

I'm back in my "box" now but nobody is harder on themselves than me. My anguish could feel tears form as I showered, (the only privacy on the tier), but though a carnal eye would see my not backing down as being tough, my spirit felt defeated by my actions. I declared my iniquity and was in anguish over my sin (Psalm 38:18), and I know God forgives me; "I acknowledged my sin to you, And my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord," And You forgave the iniquity of my sin" (Psalm 32:5).

I must die to "self" daily and the only guard I need to display above all is the shield of faith and whole armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20). Forgive me Jesus, for I'm doing what I don't want to do sometimes and YOU still protect me. I know I will continue to fall short and that it may only take a moment, but if the devil only knew that these "moments" are making me stronger in my faith; recognizing my shortcomings and turning them over to you, "For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells"....(Romans 7:18). "Oh wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God - through Jesus Christ our Lord..." (Romans 7:24-25)

Another day in prison, it's only 1:25 pm, and already a valuable life lesson. I "will" to do good, yet the ability to do so is lacking because of "Self." Not my will, but Thy Will Lord.

A lot of day left......