Blessed to be in prison

I woke up today feeling terrible. My head and chest were pounding and I was completely congested, so I decided to stay in from rec and try to rest. There has been a "bug" going around and I thought I was going to be able to shake it, but it really wiped me out. The morning dragged into the afternoon and I was unable to fall asleep, not because of the lights or noise, but I was dumbfounded by a conversation out front of my area that sent my mind down memory lane.

The remark that triggered this response mentally was, "This is my 6th bid, and every time back, I use it as an opportunity to catch up on sleep, food, and TV." This statement from one of my fellow inmates was verbatim and he was dead serious. This made me ponder about how much wasted time and energy I used to spend on pointless activities. And this is a piece of prison mentality that is very common. Prison for many is used for just those three things (sleep, food, tv) and rec. But wasting time on those things is no different from some of the things I wasted my time doing on the outside

I have slept away countless mornings. My idea of a productive day was soccer training and the gym; no more and no less.

How much time did I waste on things that did not matter? How much energy was spent on activities without purpose? Life happens too fast. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years; and when we look back over the years, what do we have to show for our time?

My time, my prison time, my peace of prison, will not be spent in vain (lacking substance or worth). I refuse to look back and say that this is a time of my life that I want to forget. Time served doesn't have to be time lost.

Before I knew it, the time had passed to several hours and I had completely removed my mind from my physical symptoms. Though I was laying around feeling sickly, I was being mentally productive with self-evaluation. Though I was disgusted with how I lived my life prior to prison, I could not help but to feel blessed to be here. And then I just re-read that sentence, "Blessed to be in prison?" Yes, blessed to be able to "Be Still"; blessed to have time to re-evaluate my life; blessed to finally live with purpose. I mean that statement with all that I am. I can't take back the past, but I can embrace the present. Thankful daily and continually in debt to Christ. Good night.