Odd text message

Where is the time going? It's already October, 2010, and I can vividly see myself in my bed on March 7th, 2009 at my parent's house, confused and in shock over the event and tragedy that occurred only several hours before. I felt sick to my stomach and the shame that consumed me cannot be described or duplicated. My mind was racing a million miles per second, but I still could not come to believe what I had done, the moment seemed surreal and it still does today.

There are some details and things that are a blur from that night and the next day, but I will never ever forget a text message that I received while I laid in despair in my dark room. The text message simply stated, "It's on the Herald online," and that was it! It was as if this person was being used by the devil, digging a knife into an already open and bleeding wound.


While I deserved the guilt and shame, I didn't understand the purpose behind that text. But now my mind is clearer than ever, and I can see how behaviors are driven by information. I will never be certain if that text message was done to hurt me, and out of a "HAHA, look what you've done" mentality, or for other reasons, only that person knows. But as I reflect back on that text, I think it is interesting how information-particularly bad news-is used as power to some people.


To many, being in the know about people's failures is what propels them to feel good about their own purposeless lives. I am in no position to judge anybody's life or lifestyle, but I know that when I was drafted to play pro or received awards, I never received a text message like that. And I only say purposeless lives, not to degrade anyone, but to describe a mentality that is more concerned with tearing people down then building them up.

And now, I am among misery and its company, and I notice how people hate to see you doing well, so it is true, misery loves company. Regardless of the reasons: envy, hate, or jealousy, (or whatever it's called), why in a world of so much pain would someone try to add to it. And someone without a grounded faith may never recover from such thoughtless antics. Pain is best learned through personal experience anyway.

I never learned a single thing from someone telling me about others death, downfall, or disease. There is no hope in gossip. Hope is best represented through overcoming adversity. Yet, we will never understand how much our drive to please self through bad information, can make or break a situation.

In retrospect, I am thankful for that text message and the feelings aroused from it. I'm not mad at anyone except myself, and I deserve all the hate that came and is coming my way. But a word of caution, don't seek to be in the know about people's desperate times. In a world with so much pain, why add to it? Let pain fuel your passion, not other's pain used for passing! The Devil is a liar.