Internal Battle

I was having an internal battle the past few months, and I began to struggle every time I would sit down to write my thoughts. See, I have been receiving a lot of mail filled with encouragement and support, but every now and then, I would receive a letter that say, “The blog is inspirational and full of hope, but I think it’s too spiritual or too Godly.” I could not help but to think that maybe I was over-spiritualizing everything. I began to overanalyze my thoughts. But I couldn’t help it, I would see a lesson in everything around me, and that lesson was from God’s Word.
The struggle was should I water down my spiritual thoughts, as I began to think about what the people that were reading my blog thought. But truly, every lesson learned—good morals, good character, how to act when nobody is looking, loving your friend as yourself, moving forward with life and forgetting the past, being patient and waiting, etc…all are found in the word, God’s Word, thus Godly.
Everyone has a spirit, so every lesson learned internally is spiritual. I kept asking myself, if I was writing too spiritual and if I would change the way I portrayed something -- only to have every thought, every idea, and every lesson come back to God. I prayed on this struggle, and I think it came from me wanting to please everyone who reads my thoughts. But then I realized it’s God, His grace, His hope, His purpose, that I want everyone to see, not me. Like I said, “I must decrease, so He can increase.” (Well John the Baptist said it first.) These thoughts floated in my head, then on Sunday, a TV preacher talked about signs and confirmation--signs that come after a promise in your heart. (Mark 16:20) “Ask God for a sign, simple as that.” So I released my faith by asking for God to erase my doubts about how I’m portraying my thoughts, His truths. I had no clue what to expect, which brought me to Male Leadership class on Monday night. The world would call this a coincidence, but I call it confirmation and more proof that God can do exceedingly, abundantly above anything we may ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20) Pastor Vic’s message, my confirmation. His message hit many topics, but mainly that “our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus Christ.” Here is the confirmation, a story from Acts 5: 34-42. Gamaliel’s advice paraphrased:
A Pharisee named Gamaliel, who was held in high regard by all the people, commanded that the people take heed with how they deal with the apostles. Gamaliel tells them of other individuals who rose up claiming to be somebody, like Christ, but perished, their followers dispersed. Gamaliel tells the people, “Keep away from the apostles and let them alone, for if this work is from men, it will come to nothing; but if it is of God , you cannot overthrow it—lest you even be found fight against God Himself.” The people agreed with Gamaliel, then beat and released the apostles, but told them not to speak in the name of Jesus Christ. The apostles departed and counted themselves worthy to suffer shame for His name. They did not cease teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ. (Acts 5: 34-42)
My confirmation: They did not cease speaking His name, nor will I. No more committing to appeasing the world. It is my hope and prayer that those who view my thoughts realize I’m only where I’m at mentally today because of where I am spiritually with God. It’s His strength when I’m weak; His peace in my chaos.
~~~~ Humbled and thankful for my circumstances~~~~