Competition

In prison, more so than in the ‘free world,' everyone is always sizing you up. I experienced this first-hand every time I played basketball and especially during the few times I played soccer. But even outside the animal of recreation, in prison, you can't walk through the mess line without someone trying to see what you're worth. Who is better than you? Who is tougher? Who is the alpha-male? I'm always up for some competition, but that type of competition in an environment like this is dangerous to say the least. I've found that the only time I've had any strife or ‘drama' in this place was when I was competing in rec. I've lost my cool on more than one occasion and was lucky to not have the situation turn to the point of no return. Those situations result in lockup, (which is jail inside jail--a place you do not want to see, even told by the most hardened inmates). I'm just wired differently and I absolutely hate to lose, but I realized that competing in prison is not wise for a ‘competitor' like me. I've since stopped because I realized I have nothing to prove to anyone in here, plus it was unhealthy competition. I will always be competitive, an athlete by nature, but I'm learning how to channel that drive. My entire life I was always determined to be better than the next guy. This mindset created attributes such as dedication, commitment, and working hard. But as much as the competition would push me to pass one person, there was always someone else behind me looking to pass me. This can be discouraging at times; unhealthy competition follows you around. I'm still a competitor and always will be because I hate defeat, but I'm done with rivalry. It's time to take what God has given me and use it to the fullest, being the best I can be (competing with myself) to give God all the glory. I feel blessed to have the mindset of an athlete; continually striving to improve, motivated to make a difference, attempting to live so that those around me win. In the competition of life, it's you vs. you; be the best you can possibly be, using the gifts God has blessed you with. No one can use your gifts for you. And God won't hold you accountable for someone else's gifts. Compete, but do so in a way that promotes the Giver of the gifts. "A man's gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men." (Proverbs 18:16)